Finishing the Catharsis
Writing is my therapy. It is a way to get my thoughts realigned. It pleases me to create, whether or not anyone appreciates the words that stream past the screen. I should do it more often. Thank you God for the laptop I can so easily type on. I can’t imagine sitting here with a 12-pound typewriter resting on my legs, as I peck feverishly out my thoughts and feelings. What would the stack of papers look like? And the wasted sheets… How did a pretender like me get along in the world without a laptop 20 years ago? Well I suppose some of them just went plain mad! Walked off down the road, headed toward the dark places in their minds, and were never heard from again. Words that come from my mind and work their way down the nerve endings and shock the muscles into action, moving and pressing key after key in a miraculous movement of God’s creation and man’s, can stun my system out of rebellion back into the Rebellion I truly needed.
I thought, “Hmmm, perhaps I shouldn’t share this link…” That my dear friends is my Rebellion of the title “Stranger in Rebellion” indeed. My fear that I’m too transparent, always halos my brain, shocking the system of buffoonery I am constantly expounding in my behavior and writings. I do it to heal. God has given me this outlet and I shall use it, Praise Him!
Anyway, I thought I should close out some of the things I brought up in yesterday’s writings, for I don’t want you to get the wrong concepts about the things I am taught on glorious Sunday mornings or otherwise.
Any examples of the “acid test” or the points in finding you might not be converted, were just things to ponder in your spiritual walk, and having one or another be a focus of who you are is not necessarily a sign that you are not saved. And that is not to say we should not be constantly on the lookout for dangerous trends in our thinking that would halt the working of God in your life. God was rich in mercy early in my Christian walk, and revealed to me things that others have an unhealthy preoccupation with, such as leading me to an early reading of 1 John. Highlighted in my mind is the verses that say, “so that you may know”. Those things, in fact, the whole bible is written so that we may know we have eternal life. Then I saw it in lots of places. That you may know: how to give a good answer, the certainty of the things I have been taught, the hope to which he has called, the riches of his glorious inheritance in his holy people, that seeing Jesus is seeing God. And most of all, that I may know Him.
He was gracious in giving me such security. One such as I, prone to doubt, fear, and depression. He early on gave me the KNOW.
Now if you find yourself looking at those lists and seeing that you are troubled by all of them, then be wary, find a good church where doubt of who you are is dispelled by the fact of who He is. I don’t have all the answers when things look the bleakest, but I do know that I know. It is not a feeling or a desire, although that does have its place. Even as I wallow in the depths I less and less frequently find myself in, I know that there is an end to all this weariness. Also, a good friend who will tell you the truth about how selfish it is, and that you can’t constantly dwell on what is to come, that what we will get is possible and even more glorious in the here and now. Not taking away at all from the awesome aweness of awe we will experience Him face-to-face. Lord hasten the day!
Thank you for partaking in this wonderful experiment that is my journey on this linear strand with no end, briefly confounded by weeds and mists, which is part of what we all experience.