In Which the Author Gets a Bit Upset With This Tediousness

Question five inspired by this article.

Johns Hopkins University: “Using a piece of wire, a Hopkins car window sticker, an egg carton, and any inexpensive hardware store item, create something that would solve a problem. Tell us about your creation, but don’t worry; we won’t require proof that it works!”

Ah, I see what you did there Johns Hopkins University. You just want us to see what we see as a “problem”. You shouldn’t have put that little bit at the end there. Phhhttt. “…don’t worry; we won’t require proof that it works!” You may have gotten more from your applicants had you not expressed that bit of sentiment there. Oh well. I guess you’ll just find out that most of those that desire to attend your prestigious university will be currying your favor by stating their desire to improve the environment or what not; stroking your egos whilst you measure their necks for the collar that is a precise Pantone 284. Well not me buddy-boy! I won’t play your silly games, cause I just ain’t smart at all enuff to be a college boy there. I can’t wear them skinny jeans. I don’t have any ironic t-shirts. No pierced body parts. I don’t eat my neighbors compost. I have neither consumed any Jack Kerouac nor absorbed tinctures of Alan Ginsburg. I find Jim Jarmusch tedious and eyesoring. I have heard farts that are laugh out loud hilarious, which I’m sure your wives would find offensive, no offense to the single female on the applicant screening process team, but you are bland and humorless also, so you were offended when I actually typed, “Phhhttt.”

I actually like meeting people who may have different opinions than I hold, despite the fact that most of those educated people can’t understand that there are those with differing opinions because they have been brainwashed by some institutions into thinking that their views are the only correct way of thinking and they must crush those who hold “peculiar” beliefs, shaming them to hopelessness, arguing them down to the level name calling and illogical stands.

Seems that you got my answer Johns Hopkins University?

(Disclaimer: The viewpoints of the author may indeed be that of an insane man delving into the ridiculousness that is college applications. These viewpoints on Johns Hopkins University, the application process, and hipsters are purely based on hearsay and conjecture, and should be excused because, said author, has made it a full third of the way through this seemingly monotonous exercise of writing. Hopefully his writings may get better from here on out.)


Posted on August 12, 2013, in 15 Ridiculous College Application Questions and tagged , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 4 Comments.

  1. Problem is, I read Kerouac and I didn’t like his writing. I think I “got it” but I didn’t enjoy it,

    • First off, thanks for reading EmKay. And, no, I don’t think it is a problem that you don’t like Kerouac’s writing, I was just letting off steam because of this project that I am having fun with, but, the questions do reveal a bit of bias and I ended up mocking hipsters. Just a generalization on my part, I looked up characteristics of these so-called hipsters and had some fun. I never read him myself. Thanks again, I enjoy hearing from anyone!

  2. But what about the bumpersticker, chewing gum, and hardware fix?

  3. David, I could have cared less about those items, they were a ruse! A MacGuffin if you will. It was only there to serve their selfish pride.

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