Strange Confessions: Possible Dimensional Transport

Strange Confessions: When I was younger I believed I had the ability to transport myself to another dimension through the sheer power of my will.

Have you ever heard of people having tunnel vision? Well, I think I had some version of that when I was in grade school. You see, I’d be sitting in class staring at the teacher or the blackboard and whatever I was staring at would start to move away from me. My perception would completely change. It seemed as though my soul, or my inner self, the essence of who I was would shrink somehow. and I would find myself somehow looking through the lens of my own eyes. Everything was very far away, with a fuzziness surrounding what I saw or touched. I could feel myself but I felt very large and very distant. My teeth would click together and distant thunder would rumble in my brain. My hands were aeons away from me. I could feel them at the end of these enormous arms, I could control them, touch finger tip to thumb tip and it was miles and days away. The focus seemed to be my hands and mouth and especially my vision. But, it also gave me this sick feeling down in the pit of my stomach and my head would start to swim. I could break out of this experience anytime I wanted. Just close my eyes and shake my head and I’d be back to normal. But, when it did come, and I began staring again I’d go back. With enough shaking my head and not focusing on anything, it would eventually go away for good. Until the next time.

The worst is when it happened at night. I couldn’t look around in the dark or look at different things to shake the feeling, and it made me very uncomfortable. I would press my fists into my eyes and move around a lot, feeling myself rubbing against the sheets: these things would shake the feelings.

I began to think there was a purpose in this. I thought I was extra special when I was a kid: like I was going to be abducted by aliens or be able to go into other worlds, because some power that was in control of those things in the universe chose me to have this power. I thought that this was a gateway for me: to another world, another dimension, and if I could hold it long enough… I… would… get there.

So, whenever I started experiencing this feeling, I tried to go as far as I could. The more I stared the farther I got from myself, the more distressing it was upon me. Slightly jerking my eyes or blinking would take me back a tinge, but I’d constantly stare to try to accomplish the goal of entering unexplored worlds! I never could hold it for more than a couple of minutes. It was agonizing to be so close to the prize, yet so disappointed in myself that my will wasn’t strong enough.

Eventually this went away. I would feel it rarely in high school and college, but I figured it was just some remnant of brain damage or the magic mocking me in what I forever would not experience.

I had forgotten all about it, until last night. Yes, it came on me last night and I was so disconcerted that I groaned and twisted, seeing if my wife was aware of my agony, so I could explain this childhood aberration. It was odd.

But it reminded me of the fact that I will be going into another world someday. For, you see, this world is not my home. By sheer power of will I will not experience it, but it is by the will of God.

Lately I’ve been going through a spiritual upheaval you could say. I believed I was on the verge of a breakthrough if only I could mend some errors of my past. One thing did not go as planned. In fact, my greatest fear came about: my actions only made things worse. I fretted and mourned lost relationships, lost breakthroughs. I couldn’t talk to God. He seemed to be very far away. I was unable to connect with Him. But two very great things happened to me that God showed me He was still looking out for me, and wanted me to experience great joy, even through my failure. One was serving people in a poor area of Missouri. It was awesome! And I hope to be able to talk about it to the congregation this coming Sunday. The other was being a leader at a youth camp. I experienced such joy at worshiping my God, my Creator, my Rock, my Salvation; through being with the kids, through reading His word, through the great music that three great musician youth put on. I am so blessed that I can not help but bless His name.

Even through the difficulties that this major move in my life has brought about, I am so thankful that He has grown me. I will ever praise Him, even when others my mock me, mock my God: I will ever praise Him.


Posted on June 19, 2013, in Strange Confessions and tagged , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

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